If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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