I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
