I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
