I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
