omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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