The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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