Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
