Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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