Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
