before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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