It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
