when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
