508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
50% drunk capacity currently
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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