I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
