hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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