Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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