i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
