Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
