dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
