he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
