You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
