...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Michael Bay diarrhea
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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