just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
