I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
