'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
