I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i think i have two assholes
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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