Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We don't watch enough power rangers
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
