if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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