I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
