your thong is hanging out like whoa
My brain says no but my pants say off.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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