nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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