I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
