Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
