don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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