So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
