I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I could make wine with my vomit
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
