I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Watching her eat just hurts me
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
