i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
