In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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