I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
