Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
