No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
