Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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