Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
