I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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