I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Enjoy the penises
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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