Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
