I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
