How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
