I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you had me at cake vodka
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
